


Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

by jeremy_bearimy



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Coming Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Home for Christmas, M/M, Minor Dorothea Arnault/Ingrid Brandl Galatea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:08:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27867402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeremy_bearimy/pseuds/jeremy_bearimy
Summary: Sylvain wants to derail his father's run for Senate and Felix needs someone to hold his hand as he comes out to his dad. The pair of friends decide the best way to achieve both of these goals is to be each other's holiday date. Feelings ensue.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 106





	Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of studying. That might've been a mistake, but I blame my family for playing Christmas music since October.  
> CW for some homophobia and related language (or, Miklan being a twat)

_ Don't come home for Christmas _

_ You're the last thing I want to see _

_ Underneath the tree _

_ Merry Christmas, I could care less _

The text comes in at 9:34am on December 1st:  _ You will come for Christmas from the 22nd until the 2nd. Your mother will send you details at a later date. It is imperative you come. The campaign is at stake. _

Sylvain spends a good hour or so face down in bed, loudly groaning, alerting his roommate to his plight. She rarely leaves her room, but apparently it’s  _ that  _ alarming.

“Sylvain, are you okay?” Bernie asks, sitting down on the edge of his bed and placing her hand on his shoulder.

“My dad. I have to go home for Christmas. I was supposed to go home with Dorothea and Ingrid to the Arnaults’ and forget the fact that my family exists.”

“You  _ have  _ to?” she asks. She has the same sort of contentious relationship with her father, so she’s always sympathetic to Sylvain’s frustrations.

“He’s running for Senate, right? He probably needs me there for photos or something. I’m going to do it for Mom, but I’m not going to like it.”

“Oh, Sylvie,” Bernadetta says softly, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Find someone who’ll go with you. I’d volunteer, but I’m volunteering at the shelter for Christmas with Caspar and Linhardt. Also, your dad scares me a little.”

“Who should I bring? All of my friends are otherwise engaged for the holidays. Except Felix, but he’s avoiding his own dad, which he can’t do if he comes with me.”

“Entice him. Tell him your New Year’s resolution will be to train with him every day. He’d never pass up the opportunity to watch you try to flip a tire.”

“I should find a really hot girl that only wants me for my family’s money and bring her home to visit them and show them how terrible they are.”

“Oh! If you really want to bother your dad, tell him you have a  _ boyfriend _ .”

“Bernie, I’m straight. My entire personality is that I’m a skirt-chaser,” he reminds her. Bernadetta and Ingrid are about the only girls he  _ doesn’t  _ hit on because he loves them like sisters.

“You could be bi. Your dad doesn’t know you well enough to know that you don’t have a boy stashed away.”

He groans into his pillow again. “No way. It’s just not believable. They’d never buy it and, if they did, they’d bury it so it didn’t ruin his chances for Senate.”

“What if you could  _ produce  _ said boyfriend? They couldn’t just explain that away.”

“Right. I’m going to find a boyfriend, get to know him in the next two weeks, then drag him away for Christmas with the psycho Gautiers? I barely even listen to  _ girls  _ when they talk about themselves.”

“Ooh! Felix!”

Sylvain snorts. That’s about the dumbest thing he’s ever heard. Of all the men in the world, Felix would be the  _ last  _ one he’d date. The rumors he’s asexual are one impediment, the fact that he’s a man is another, and there’s always their love-hate thing that gravitates toward hate in recent memory. Yes, Felix Hugo Fraldarius is the worst fake-boyfriend ever. And yet, there’s nobody who knows him better.

“Would he pass up the opportunity to make his dad uncomfortable?” Bernie continues.

Aha. That’s the bait. Rodrigue frowns at most things Felix does, but bringing home slutty Sylvain as a boyfriend? That would be the worst thing he’s  _ ever  _ done.

Sylvain fumbles around for his phone and flips over to type out a message:

_ wanna fuck w/ ur dad? _

—

_ These are your good years _

_ Don't take my advice _

_ You never wanted the nice boys anyway _

“This is actually your worst idea,” Felix says, sinking further into the vinyl diner booth.

“That’s where you’re wrong. It isn’t  _ my  _ idea at all,” Sylvain says before popping a french fry into his mouth. “Bernie thought of the whole thing. Even down to the Felix of it all.”

“My dad would never believe I’d go for you. Everyone knows your reputation. Your own family would never believe you’d enter into a relationship with a man.”

“My family doesn’t know jack shit about me, my friend. They might  _ think  _ they know, but they have no clue. I contain multitudes.”

Felix rolls his eyes. “ _ If  _ I were to go through with this, and that’s a  _ big if _ , what do we say?” He’s considering it. That’s more than Sylvain expected. Yes, this is good. Bernie’s idea was outlandish to him at first, but now this is becoming more and more real and he’s thinking bigger and better.

“Well, we’ve been friends since we were kids. I kissed you at a party last New Year’s and we’ve kept it on the down low.”

“You were photographed with a hotel heiress last month.”

“Fine. I kissed you over  _ Thanksgiving _ and we’ve kept it on the down low. We were both at Dedue’s, so it’s not that far-fetched to think we made out in his guest room.”

“I think the idea of me ever making out with you is far-fetched,” Felix remarks, “but fine. We kissed on Thanksgiving. Why?”

“Because you looked handsome? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because one of my earliest good memories is Thanksgiving at your parents’ with Glenn and Ingrid and Dimitri. Even Miklan wasn’t tormenting me like he usually did. You took a chunk out of my hand when we were sword-fighting with Nana Fraldarius’s sterling silver, but we lied about it so we didn’t get in trouble for misuse of cutlery.”

“And the memory of me maiming you made you want to kiss me?” Felix asks, folding his arms across his chest. “Far-fetched.”

“Okay, fine. I was drinking and you looked hot as fuck. Why does it matter  _ why _ I kissed you?”

“Why do you kiss girls?”

“Because I have low self-esteem and sex makes me feel good about myself for a fleeting moment before the self-loathing kicks in.”

Felix’s eyes grow wide and he raises both eyebrows. “Didn’t expect that honest of an answer, but maybe we can go off of that. You kissed me because you knew I didn’t give a shit about your parents’ money, but I care about  _ you. _ Because I make you feel loved for a reason that isn’t superficial.”

“We’re jumping straight to love? Wow, buy a guy dinner first,” Sylvain teases before eating another fry or two. 

Felix grimaces. “Do you want my help or not?”

“Why do you want to piss off your dad so bad?” 

“I don’t. Not really. I just thought it might be easier to come out if I had someone by my side.”

Sylvain stops, another french fry midway to his mouth. “What?”

“You heard me, okay? Nobody knows, but I’m… gay.” He spits out the word like it physically hurts to say. “I suppose the men I’ve been with have some idea, but they don’t  _ know _ , you know? They don’t know  _ me _ .”

“Rumors are going around that you’re ace, you know? I guess since you’ve never had a girlfriend, people just assumed.”

“I’ve never had a  _ boy _ friend either,” Felix says, stealing a fry from Sylvain’s plate. “You’re the first person I’ve ever come out to. Well, that’s not true. Glenn knew, but he’s gone now.”

“I feel honored,” Sylvain says honestly. Just him and  _ Glenn? _ “Really, I do. But you’re really okay with letting everyone know though?”

“Yes. Sooner or later, it has to happen. I can’t go my whole life living in a closet. This way, I don’t really have to come out. I just have to hold a slut’s hand while he spectacularly pisses off his father.”

He can’t change his mind anymore. Sylvain just wants to irritate his father, but Felix  _ needs  _ this.

“You better not fall in love with me,” Sylvain jokes. “I promise I won’t fall in love with you either.”

“If Sylvain Jose Gautier fell in love, the birds would all drop from the sky. If Sylvain Jose Gautier fell in love with a  _ man _ , the earth might actually explode.” Felix rarely makes jokes, so it’s actually kind of adorable that he’s trying.

“We have a deal, boyfriend?” Sylvain asks, reaching across the table for a handshake. Felix hesitates, but shakes. Sylvain turns his hand so he can lace their fingers together. Felix scoffs. “We have to do boyfriend things, Felix. Holding hands is literally the least we can do. We used to hold hands all the time.”

“Do I have to kiss you?” Felix asks, looking at Sylvain in a way that says he desperately wants him to say no.

“I mean, if we really want to sell it, a few kisses on the cheek or forehead here and there, yeah. I think we save a kiss on the lips as the nuclear option.”

“Nuclear option,” Felix echoes. “Good.”

“Dimitri is going to ask a million questions, namely why nobody at Thanksgiving saw us kiss.”

“Backstory needs to be gotten straight, I agree.”

“Backstory needs to be gotten  _ gay _ ,” Sylvain says, raising his hand for a high five that never comes.

In the middle of getting their story straight, Sylvain shoots off a text to his mom:  _ i’m bringing someone home 4 christmas. hope that’s ok _

—

_ Frosted window panes, candles gleaming inside _

_ Painted candy canes on the tree _

_ Santa’s on his way, he’s filled his sleigh with things _

_ Things for you and for me _

“Okay, I am nervous beyond all belief,” Sylvain says, hand sweating in Felix’s. Felix, on the other hand, cool as a cucumber. “My mom is so excited to meet my girlfriend, but she’s not going to meet anyone new and you’re a  _ boy _ and maybe this was a mistake.”

Felix drops his bag in the middle of the driveway and turns to face Sylvain, hands still clasped, fingers still entwined. His other hand comes to rest on Sylvain’s shoulder, pulling him down the slightest bit to look him in the eye.

“You cannot back out now. Your parents are in there and we are coming out of the closet. Yours is a fake closet, but my closet is  _ real  _ and I’m not as stressed as you are.”

“Your dad is going to frown when he finds out.  _ My  _ dad is going to kill me.”

“Calm down,” Felix says, squeezing Sylvain’s shoulder. “We’ve gone over this already. Just focus on your hand in mine and I’ll take the lead, okay?”

“Okay,” Sylvain says, taking a few deep breaths. 

He leans down and kisses Felix’s forehead, something he used to do all the time when they were little and Felix was crying. Now it’s the reverse effect, a kiss while Sylvain is freaking out and Felix is the one in control. Now Felix scoffs at the gesture, despite the fact that they’re supposed to be a happy, loving couple.

“Get used to it, babe,” Sylvain says as Felix crouches down to grab his bag again, “I’m going to do a lot of kissing your cute little head this trip.”

He can’t see it, but he knows that Felix rolls his eyes.

They walk hand-in-hand to the front door, Sylvain barely able to hear his footsteps over his pounding heart.

Felix doesn’t drop his bag to ring the doorbell, but presses it with his elbow. Sylvain isn’t even happy to see his mother when she opens the door. He’s petrified.

“Felix!” she exclaims, embracing him. Felix drops Sylvain’s hand to hug her back. Oh no. What does he focus on now that his hand is no longer in Felix’s? Oh  _ Goddess _ , what has he done? “Oh, honey, you’ve grown so much since I last saw you. It’s been  _ ages!  _ Oh, your father is going to be so thrilled you came home for the holidays! He’ll be here tomorrow.”

She moves onto her son, kissing Sylvain’s cheek before enveloping him in a warm hug. “Hi, honey. I thought you were bringing a girl home.”

“I was bringing  _ someone  _ home. My boyfriend. Felix,” he says, reaching out for his hand again.

He half-expects her to faint like Catherine O’Hara in  _ Home Alone _ , but instead of leaving for a vacation without her son, her formerly-believed-to-be-heterosexual son has come home with a boyfriend. The pratfall doesn’t happen, but the expression on her face is pure Kevin’s mom.

“I, um… Didn’t plan for this. Though I suppose it works because we didn’t have a place setting for Felix at the party anyway. Erm… Honey, you never told us you’re…?”

“Bisexual,” he falsely confirms, looking at Felix because he  _ can’t  _ look at his mom right now. 

“I, um…” she repeats, clearly having trouble processing. “You boys know your way to your room to stow your bags.”

Sylvain all but drags Felix up the stairs to get away from his mother. With the bedroom door shut behind them and backpacks and bags shed, he truly starts to panic.

“This was such a bad idea,” he says, sinking down to the floor, back up against the door. Felix sits down beside him and puts an arm around him.

“It’s okay, ugh,  _ babe. _ ”

“You don’t have to call me that when it’s just us,” Sylvain says. “We don’t have to act coupley unless there’s someone else around.”

“It’s good to get a bit of practice in… babe.”

Sylvain looks at him, tears welling up in his eyes. “Do you love me?”

“Of course I do,” Felix says like it pains him. “You’ve been my best friend since birth.”

“I mean, in the context of our romance. Do you love me?”

“Oh. Isn’t it a little soon? We’ve only been together since Thanksgiving.”

“Like you said, you’ve been my best friend since we were tiny. It wouldn’t be  _ crazy _ to think I’ve said ‘I love you’ already.”

“So this manufactured version of Sylvain is in love with fake-Felix?”

“Yeah, I think he is. Who else would hold him as he cried about the trauma of coming out?”

“I can’t believe  _ you  _ are the one having a crisis over coming out. You’re straight.”

“That makes it so much worse!” Sylvain sniffles pitifully and Felix scoffs again and strokes his dumb hair. 

“C’mon, let’s go face your dad. Any more time up here and your family will think we’re fooling around in a twin bed.”

Before they leave the room, Sylvain takes Felix’s hand to comfort himself. Felix really is taking control of the situation, holding his hand and guiding him down the stairs and into the dining room where the Gautiers are gathered.

His grandparents and his dad and Miklan and his mom, who has likely primed them all with the information that, no, a girlfriend is not on his arm. Hey, even Miklan is here, ready to shoot some homophobic language at him the moment they’re alone.

“Honey,” Mom says, gesturing for them to come over, stage-whispering, “I didn’t say anything.”

She didn’t have to. His father, his brother, his mother’s father, and his father’s mother look at the way Sylvain is death-gripping Felix’s hand and it’s abundantly clear what is happening.

“Hey, everyone. You remember Felix. He’s my, um, boyfriend.”

“Knew it,” Miklan remarks. 

“Hush, you,” their mother snaps. “I feel very glad that you feel safe enough to come out of the closet to share your relationship with us.”

“Yep. I love this guy,” Sylvain says, squeezing Felix’s hand and kissing the top of his head.

Grandma smiles at them, thank the Goddess. The elderly are always hit-or-miss on these sorts of things.

“Alright, we were going to discuss the game plan for the next week and the way it will influence your father’s campaign,” Mom tells them. “This certainly… changes things.”

“Are you going to ask us to hide this?” Sylvain asks defiantly. “I’m not going to hide the fact that I’m in love with Felix.”

His father has been stony-faced since the moment he walked in, but Grandpa the campaign manager and ex-congressman takes the lead. “How serious is this?”

“It’s only been a month since I first kissed him, but we’ve been best friends for years, haven’t we? I don’t know if we could ever go back.”

Sylvain is only just now realizing that their relationship will never be the same once they “break up”. They’ll be exes forever. Their friends will probably do the dumb thing where they treat it like they’re their kids and Sylvain and Felix are divorcing. Sylvain would rather  _ die  _ than have their friends try to arrange custody agreements.

Instead of fretting about that, he sits down at the table beside Felix, who puts his hand gently on Sylvain’s knee. It feels so natural to be touched so intimately by Felix and the fleeting thought brings a blush to his cheeks. He might not survive the week if he’s already getting so  _ flustered _ .

—

“Alright. I don’t think a twin is going to be as big as it used to be,” Sylvain declares as he turns down the bed.

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” Felix says, grabbing a pillow off of the bed.

“No, hey, it’s fine. I’ve cuddled with you more than I’ve ever cuddled with anyone.”

Felix didn’t sleep well alone for a good long time. After his mother died, he squeezed into his twin bed sideways with Ingrid, Dimitri, Sylvain, and Glenn. Then after Dimitri’s dad and Glenn died, Ingrid, Dimitri, Sylvain, and Felix slept in Dimitri’s full-sized bed nestled together. There’s nothing new about the two of them sharing a bed. There’s even nothing new about them sharing  _ this _ bed.

“C’mon, snuggle with your best pal Sylvain,” he says, shimmying until his back is against the wall, patting the empty space for Felix to fit into. With a roll of the eyes, Felix does, letting Sylvain hold him from behind. “I think the only difference between now and the last time we cuddled is that my parents are probably expecting us to fuck tonight.” Felix elbows him in the ribs. “I didn’t say we should!”

“Good _ night _ , Sylvain.”

“Love you too, snookums.” An elbow collides with his ribs again. “Hurt me again, I’m almost there.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

—

_ It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas _

_ Everywhere you go _

The Gautiers’ yearly December 23rd Christmas Eve Eve party is always a lavish affair, but Sylvain’s mother went all-out this year, clearly courting donors for his father’s senatorial campaign. Apart from a family photo in front of the tree, Sylvain hasn’t been exactly necessary for the night. He said a quick hello to the Galateas and then promptly ducked away from the spotlight with Felix.

After a long debate about the practicality of the reverse lightsaber grip Ahsoka uses in  _ Clone Wars _ , Felix grimaces and Sylvain turns to see the source of his disgust. It is, in fact, his own father. He had to know this was coming. He was invited to the party tonight and they had even discussed his anxiety about coming out in the hours leading up to the festivities.

“I can’t just say it to him. I can’t just say ‘Dad, I’m gay.’ I was on your ass about being freaked about coming out, but I… fuck. Oh, fuck,” Felix says, clearly two heaving breaths away from a panic attack. 

Sylvain rests his hand on the side of Felix’s face and strokes his cheekbone with his thumb. “It’s okay, babe. Just breathe. He’s on his way over, just be normal for just a few more seconds.” Sylvain leans down and kisses his forehead

“You don’t have to kiss me,” Felix mutters.

“I’d do anything for you, Felix. You did this for me just to upset my dad. Do you want me to say it to Rodrigue?”

“If I can’t,” Felix says ineffectually.

“Hey, Mr. Fraldarius!” Sylvain exclaims, turning the charm up to 11. “I heard you were coming. Always a joy to see my best friend’s dad.”

“Hi,” Felix grumbles.

“I didn’t realize you were coming home for the holidays, son.”

“I wasn’t. Then my boyfriend invited me.”

“That’s me. I’m the boyfriend,” Sylvain says brightly. “Felix is gay, but evidently he can’t seem to make the words come out of his mouth around you.”

“I had no idea. Does that make me a horrible father?”

Felix says “yes”, but Sylvain’s “no” is louder.

“My dad hasn’t said a word to me since I’ve been here, so you’re father of the year in comparison,” Sylvain assures him. “Pretty sure he and Miklan are bonding for the first time ever by calling me a faggot.”

Felix’s face drops, likely because he realizes Sylvain isn’t wrong. Sylvain knew that would happen, but he knew he couldn’t stop this tank once Felix said coming out would be easier with someone’s hand in his.

“You’re brave. You know who your father is, but you made this choice anyway,” Rodrigue says. Felix faces away from him just to roll his eyes, opting to rest his forehead against Sylvain’s shoulder once he’s done.

“It’s a day wasted if I can’t piss off my conservative father. Maybe he’ll see Miklan’s drug addictions and my boyfriend and decide someone else gets the company if he gets elected.”

“You don’t want it?”

“Fuck the company. Honestly, fuck the money too. I have no idea why he’s courting donors. He could fund the entire campaign with just a drop from the bucket. Then he wouldn’t have to lock away his son’s boyfriend the way he’s done with Miklan’s designer drug habit.”

“If you ever need a nonjudgmental father to talk to, you always have me.”

Sylvain knows that Felix is rolling his eyes again, just by virtue of having known him since the day he was born. He’s the grumpiest person Sylvain has ever known.

“I know I’ve got you,” Sylvain says, running his hand up and down Felix’s back. “Thanks for the reminder. I feel glad that there was a time that you and my dad were friends. Otherwise I wouldn’t know this prickly porcupine.”

“While your father and I have grown apart because of differing ideals, you will always be family to me and Felix, Sylvain.”

“In a new way now,” Sylvain remarks.

“Oh? Is it that serious?” Rodrigue asks, visibly taken aback.

“It’s only been a thing since Thanksgiving,” Felix replies, returning to the conversation from his sojourn into Sylvain’s shoulder.

“One of the happiest months of my life.”

Felix rolls his eyes very openly. “You’re ridiculous. Surely the happiest month of your life was the one when that sorority had to move into your residence hall.”

“That  _ was _ a good one,” Sylvain recalls dreamily. He was getting laid like crazy. His roommate Lorenz was  _ not  _ happy. They were terrible people, keeping a running tally of women they’d pulled all year. Lorenz was a sore loser, but in hindsight, it was disgusting to keep count that way as if the women were just reduced to a line on a whiteboard. “Yes, that was good, but now I’m in a deep, loving, committed relationship and no amount of co-eds could draw me to infidelity.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Felix says with an amused smile, allowing Sylvain to tuck him under his arm. Sylvain has never been in a relationship longer than a few weeks and having someone to just  _ hold _ is nice. The fact that his fake boyfriend is tiny and adorable just adds to the experience. A sharp and bristly Grinch, but tiny and adorable and an absolute joy to cuddle in the morning.

“How long are you going to be in town?” Rodrigue asks. “I’d love to have you over for dinner one night.”

“We’re in town until the 2nd,” Sylvain says.

“How about New Year’s Day? Do you have any plans?”

Felix looks like he wants to say something, but refrains. Sylvain, as today’s designated mouthpiece of their relationship, says, “I think Dima is having us for a party on New Year’s Eve, so we could totally do brunch or lunch or dinner on New Year’s Day. Maybe we could spend the night too. Get away from my parents for a little bit.”

“I’d love that. It’s not often I get to see my son.”

“I wouldn’t have come if it weren’t for Sylvain,” Felix admits. “I’m sorry.”

“I know things have been fraught between us since Glenn passed, but I love you, Felix. You’re my youngest child and baby and you always will be.”

Felix rolls his eyes and tightens his arm around Sylvain’s waist. “I love you too,” he admits grumpily. “You’re the only dad I’ve got and I know that you could be a million times worse. Like the father who hasn’t said a single word to either of us in the thirty hours since we’ve been here.”

“If you need an escape, know you can stay in my home whether I’m there or not.”

“Thanks, Mr. Fraldarius,” Sylvain says gratefully.

“Please, Sylvain, you’ve known since you were young that you can call me Rodrigue. That goes doubly now that you’re seeing my son.”

“Duly noted,” he says with a brilliant smile. “Oh, there’s Dima. We should say hi, babe.”

“I should mingle as well,” Rodrigue acknowledges. “I’ll talk to you later, kids.”

“Talk to you later,” Felix says as their tall friend makes his way over to them. Dimitri exchanges a quick hello with Rodrigue as they pass, but he eventually ends up standing in front of them.

“So what’s this then?”

“We kissed on Thanksgiving and have been very quietly dating since then,” Sylvain says, laying their counterfeit cards all out on the table.

“At Dedue’s?”

“Yes.”

“You kissed at Dedue’s?”

“Yes, boar,” Felix snaps. He holds even more disdain for Dimitri than he does for Rodrigue. Things are contentious between them at best. Sylvain still hasn’t gotten from either of them what the feud is about, but it’s ugly. Felix doesn’t even refer to Dimitri by name anymore. “Apologies for not updating you on every moment of my life.”

“You barely even spoke to each other.”

“I was trying to pluck up the courage to kiss him,” Sylvain lies smoothly. “I got it. We kissed in the driveway before Felix left.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Dimitri declares, pulling them into a bone-crushing group hug. “There was always a will they or won’t they, Sam and Diane thing between you. It was always won’t they because you were straight and ace respectively.”

“Neither of us were ever either of those,” Felix grumbles. “I’m gay, he’s…  _ bi. _ ”

Does Sylvain feel bad for lying that he’s a member of the LGBTQIA+ community? Yes. He does. He’s an ally, but the A in the acronym doesn’t stand for that.

“You look happy just holding hands,” Dimitri says with a bright smile. “I suppose it’s just one more thing we have in common, Sylvain.”

“Right,” Sylvain says. He forgot that Dimitri is bisexual. He knew Mercedes was his girlfriend for a year and he’s obviously in unrequited love with Dedue. “Is Claude here?”

“He’s flirting with the guy in the Santa suit,” Dimitri says, clearly at his wit’s end with his roommate. “Did you bring Bernadetta or just your boyfriend?”

“Just my boyfriend,” Sylvain says, kissing the top of Felix’s head. “Bernie’s volunteering with Linhardt and Caspar.”

“How did she rope them into it?”

“They fucked in her bed during our Halloween party.”

Felix snorts, hearing this for the first time. He was at the Halloween party, wearing a  _ Hello, My Name Is _ badge that said ‘a vampire or something.’ Sylvain, on the other hand, was dressed as sexy Gandalf. He ended up sleeping with a Minion that night. He would be hard-pressed to remember her name. Did he even know it in the first place?

“I thought Caspar and Ashe were dating,” Dimitri says with a frown.

“Caspar and Ashe are just friends. Ashe is crushing on Hapi. Lin and Caspar are friends with benefits. Goddess, our friend group is so incestuous,” Sylvain remarks. “Ingrid and Dorothea, formerly Dorothea and Ferdie, Mercie and Annie, formerly Mercie and  _ you, _ Leonie and Lorenz, Hilda and Marianne, formerly Marianne and Ferdie, Lysithea and Cyril… I guess that’s what happens when you keep to the same circles you did in high school and college.”

“Don’t forget about you and Felix,” Dimitri reminds them. How  _ did _ Sylvain forget? He has Felix tucked under his arm, his tiny boyfriend cuddled up to his side.

“Yep. Me and Felix,” he confirms, kissing the top of Felix’s head yet again. His shampoo smells great. Pine needles and something floral. His conditioner makes his hair super soft against his lips.

“Hopefully Claude broadens our friend group with Santa,” Felix says jokingly. If he’s joking around Dimitri, he’s clearly in a good mood. Did he have some spiked eggnog?

“I wonder if they’d fuck with the Santa suit on,” Sylvain adds, joking right back.

Dimitri smiles with clear amusement. “Claude probably would insist on it.”

Sylvain’s not sure what it is, but Felix is actually enjoying himself with Dimitri. He’s smiling and  _ laughing _ .

Sylvain likes this.

—

_ I feel like runnin’ wild _

_ As anxious as a little child _

_ Greet you ‘neath the mistletoe _

_ Kiss you once and then some more _

Felix is exhausted and Sylvain can’t stand another donor cornering him without Felix, asking him if he’d be willing to hide his relationship for the good of the campaign they’re contributing to.

Holding hands, they walk into the living room to say goodnight to his mother, but are stopped by the ringing of a bell.

“Mistletoe!” a friend of his mom’s exclaims. “Sylvain and Felix,  _ mistletoe. _ ”

Sure enough a sprig of stupid mistletoe is above their heads in the doorway.

“Nuclear option,” Sylvain murmurs and Felix nods.

Arms loop around his neck and pull him down for a kiss. It’s maybe something they should’ve rehearsed because it’s a little awkward with the height disparity and the unease that Felix is bringing to it. Still, it’s a nice kiss. Nicer than it has any business being. Sylvain doesn’t kiss much outside of intense flirting and sex, so a kiss without any expectation behind it is certainly likeable.

“Aw, boys,” Sylvain’s mom gushes. Rodrigue is seated beside her.

“We were about to call it a night and thought we’d bid you adieu before passing out,” Sylvain tells her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “You too, Rodrigue.”

“Night, Dad. Night, Mrs. Gautier.”

“Call me Mom,” she insists. Felix blushes and it’s kind of adorable. At least two parents are supportive. Sylvain’s father won’t even make eye contact with him. His grandparents are more open-minded, his father’s mother not being anywhere near as bigoted as her piece of shit son. She even kissed both of them and said she admires their bravery.

He’s not sure whether it’d hurt more if he actually was bi. He now knows that the unconditional love his father lavished on him from birth was actually conditional so long as he is of sound mind to run a business and, apparently, not gay. It hurts a whole hell of a lot the way it is. Difference is, it’s something he chose. It’s not something Felix chose. He was a good friend to Sylvain for many years and Mr. Gautier was always accepting, but now that he knows this one specific thing about him? Completely iced out.

He holds Felix’s hand a little tighter, giving him a sweeter kiss as they pass under the mistletoe again. His heart hurts so much and he wants to hold Felix and shield him from the harsh realities of life outside the closet.

—

_ Sleigh bells are ringing and we here _

_ Choirs are singing, but this year _

_ Something is different when you're here _

_ The sight of you quickly uplifts my point of view _

Christmas Eve brings caroling. Miklan and Sylvain have always hated it, but the prospect of hearing Felix’s voice brings him joy. They were both in choir in high school at the insistence of Annette. Sylvain was always trying to sneak out and Felix hated harmonizing, but they did it because their friend is terrifying when she’s angry.

Felix looks adorable in his snow clothes, a puffy jacket and little black gloves. Sylvain likes that he gets to hold him around the waist as they sing to friends and neighbors.

“ _ O holy night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our dear Savior's birth. Long lay the world, in sin and error pining. 'Til Seiros appeared and the soul felt its worth. _ ” 

As they sing, Felix and Sylvain make intense eye contact. Sylvain is struck with a desire to kiss him, but that’s saved for when it’s truly necessary. He settles with a kiss on his forehead.

Most Christmas songs are either about religion or about love. He never understood the love songs, but now he does. Having Felix with him, he finally understands the love songs.

His stomach does a few little flips as Felix’s eyes lock on his again. He’s so damned  _ beautiful. _ Sylvain wonders if Felix feels the same, if he gets the same dizzy feeling.

Sylvain promised he wouldn’t fall in love. He  _ promised. _ He can’t go back on a promise, can he? He knows he’s starting to fall, try as he might not to.

—

_ I just want you for my own _

_ More than you could ever know _

_ Make my wish come true _

_ All I want for Christmas is you _

Christmas morning brings the smell of cocoa and tea and coffee as they settle down around the tree. First, the family photo. Felix gets to put to good use the skills he earned as president of their high school’s photography club.

“Let’s get Felix in there for one,” Mom suggests. Felix’s eyes go wide. So do Sylvain’s, frankly. He expects a protest from his father or a smart remark from his brother, but neither comes.

“I’ll take it,” Grandpa offers, taking the camera from Felix. “Goddess knows the world doesn’t need any pictures of me.”

The family shifts to fill that gap and Felix shrinks into his new mainstay position tucked under Sylvain’s arm.

“Smile everyone,” Grandpa instructs. Felix even manages a little smile, his hand resting on Sylvain’s chest. Sylvain hopes he doesn’t feel his racing heart. “Beautiful. Such a beautiful family. Even you, Felix.”

Felix doesn’t stop blushing for a good long while, long after they’ve settled in with coffee and tea and cocoa to start opening presents. They fit together so well. Felix fits just perfectly up against Sylvain’s side as they open gifts.

The three Gautier men get matching Rolexes, as if Sylvain wanted  _ anything  _ to match them outside of their fiery red hair and Mom gets the $12,000 earrings she’d been eyeing.

Mom explains to Felix that they had initially gotten a gift for a female friend and that they didn’t expect he’d appreciate a Chanel handbag. He smiles and laughs, both things Sylvain loves to see, and says that was astute. Instead, he gets a cashmere blanket that Sylvain recognizes from a joking gift request from Ingrid — it’s 500 fucking dollars. It’s ridiculous for a blanket, but Felix is very gracious and actually unfolds it and tosses it over their laps. Sylvain kisses his fake boyfriend’s very real forehead.

“What was that for?”

“I love you,” Sylvain murmurs, as if it’s abundantly clear. Felix takes a leap this time, kissing Sylvain’s cheek for the first time. It’s the first kiss that Felix has initiated, Sylvain realizes. It’s been all kisses on the top of Felix’s head or kisses on Felix’s forehead or kisses on the back of Felix’s hand. He’s been a PDA  _ freak  _ on poor little reserved Felix.

“Yeah, love you too,” Felix says with a roll of his eyes.

“You're a mean one, Mr. Fraldarius. You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Fraldarius,” Sylvain teases, tapping him on the nose.

“Cuddly as a cactus? Is that the reason you didn’t let me out of bed for water this morning?”

It’s Sylvain’s turn to blush because, yeah, he didn’t want to let go of him this morning. He’s so warm and Sylvain feels physically affectionate sometimes, okay? He loves his strong, tiny, prickly, angry, little boyfriend.

He thinks these things and he thinks maybe there’s a part of him that wants this to be real. He  _ does  _ love Felix. He liked kissing him. He likes  _ him. _ Oh dear. He  _ loves _ him.

He’s a fucking  _ idiot. _ He’s broken his promise. He’s in love with him.

He wants a real boyfriend.

— 

_ They say that things just cannot grow _

_ Beneath the winter snow _

_ Or so I have been told _

“So… Miklan’s trying to sleep on the other side of the wall. You want to fuck with him?” Sylvain asks.

And of course, Felix does, but before he can ask any questions, Sylvain’s up onto his knees, the game of Uno abandoned.

“What are you doing?”

Sylvain glances at the wall, presses a finger to Felix’s lips, and begins to rock back and forth on his knees, almost bouncing on the bed. The mattress groans and squeaks underneath him.

“Oh!” He lets out the loudest, breathiest moan he can muster. “Oh my god,  _ yes _ !”

Felix claps a hand over his mouth, shaking with laughter as Sylvain bumps against the wall. “Sylvain, are you serious right now?” he whispers.

He shrugs, gripping Felix by the front of the shirt, not even thinking before pulling him into an obnoxiously loud and sloppy kiss, which might be a little weird considering the fact that they’ve only ever kissed under the mistletoe and Sylvain may or may not be in love with him, but Felix doesn’t miss a beat, kissing him back with an unbridled eagerness.

Sylvain isn’t quite done savoring the taste of Felix’s tongue when his fake boyfriend breaks the kiss and attaches his mouth to Sylvain’s neck. Sylvain lets out a shaky moan that he’s not sure is fake. What the  _ fuck _ is going on right now?

Felix tips his head back against the headboard, his chest shaking with silent laughter. “Yeah, you like that, don’t you?” he tries through his laughter. He grunts and slaps his hand against the wall, accidentally hitting Sylvain in the side with his elbow. Sylvain loses his balance and slips off his knees. He doesn’t throw his hands out to catch himself fast enough, and falls against Felix’s chest.

“I, uh—” Sylvain starts, but Felix cups the back of his neck and kisses him again.

Their predicament is more than a little awkward when Sylvain realizes he’s hard, his erection pressed up against Felix’s thigh. A shift of his hips to move reveals that Felix, too, is clearly turned on.

Sylvain has dry humped people before, a lot in high school in this very bed, but this is different. This is a guy and this is  _ Felix _ and it feels so fucking  _ good _ . The kiss is scorching hot and Felix is mewling as they rut together. 

“Fuck,” he mumbles against Felix’s lips, overcome with absolute pleasure.

This is going to be a mess. Yes, there’s the fact that he’s going to jizz in his pants, but he’s also very much straight and very much enjoying himself with his very much gay best friend who he has definitely fallen in love with. Is Felix just getting his rocks off? Does it matter who they are or what their gender is? It just feels  _ good _ .

Does this count as sex? Is he having sex with Felix? He never imagined himself having sex with a guy, but here he is, about to come in his pajamas if Felix makes that little sound again and— He comes hard with a groan, grinding his hips down roughly one last time. Apparently that’s enough for Felix, who comes with his back arched, gasping beautifully.

He  _ is  _ beautiful. Sylvain is  _ in love. _ Goddess, he really isn’t making it through this with his sexuality intact, is he?

“Felix,” Sylvain whispers, diving in for another kiss. 

Felix doesn’t respond well to that, shoving Sylvain off of him and leaping out of bed like it’s on fire. He almost slips on an Uno card as he makes his way to his bag, where he fishes out a pair of sweatpants before retreating to the bathroom without a word.

That just fucked things up, didn’t it?

Sylvain tries to clean himself up as best as he can, but the shame hits hard. What the fuck  _ was  _ that? He took advantage of Felix. He took advantage of his poor friend. For some reason, it felt right. It felt right to come with Felix writhing underneath him.  _ What the  _ fuck _ , Sylvain? _

He sits on his bed in clean pajamas, hugging his knees to his chest. He’s not straight, is he? He  _ can’t  _ be, not if he’s in love with his very much male best friend. This is certainly a discussion to be had now that they’ve had…  _ relations. _

He does a bit of rocking back and forth in distress until Felix emerges from the bathroom, hair dripping as he pulls it into a bun. He took a shower to cleanse himself of what they just did. Of course he did.

“Can I have the car keys?” Felix asks as he gathers his things into his bag.

“Wh—what?” Sylvain asks, experiences some serious whiplash. “Where are you going?”

“My dad’s. Keys?”

Sylvain nods, reaching over to the bedside table to produce the keys to the Maybach. He tosses them to his friend, who catches them effortlessly.

Sylvain isn’t sleeping tonight.

He has to talk to someone about this, but Felix doesn’t seem in the right headspace to talk this out and nobody else knows about this great fraud besides Bernie.

Bernie! He sends her a text:  _ can u talk? i’m having a felix related meltdown _

Not five minutes later, his phone rings.

“I’m in love with him, Bernie,” he laments.

“ _ That’s not at all what I was expecting. _ ”

“We had sex. Kind of. It was dry humping to completion. It was… good. I liked it. I’m having a sexuality crisis.”

“ _ Sounds like it. Are you going to tell him?” _

Sylvain positions himself on the pillows more comfortably. “How could I? I did this thing with superficial motives and now I’ve fallen for him like an idiot. What if I change my mind later? This is FUBAR. Fucked up beyond all recognition. I’m wondering what it’d feel like to make love to him for real.”

“ _ Make love? You’ve got it bad, Sylvain. You really  _ are _ in love with him.” _

“I want this to be real, not just… pretend. I want to kiss him without it being weird or manufactured. I want him to be with me because he wants it, not because we’re acting out some scheme.”

“ _ Do you think he wants to be with you?” _

“He kissed me back. That’s all I really have to go on. He even initiated a kiss tonight. I don’t know if it was just the heat of the moment or what.”

“ _ You have to talk to him. Give him a night to cool off, then talk to him. Be frank about your feelings. I know it’s hypocritical coming from me, but you need to be direct and open and leave your room.” _

Sylvain snorts. “Yep, Bernie, I got it.”

As soon as he hangs up with her, he starts to cry. He can’t lose him and he’s terrified he will.

—

_ This is my winter song _

_ December never felt so wrong _

_ ‘Cause you're not where you belong _

_ Inside my arms _

“Where’s Felix?” his mom asks when Sylvain comes downstairs, eyes rimmed red with shed tears and an attempt to rub them away.

He walks over to hug her and says, “We had a fight. He’s at his dad’s.”

“Must’ve been a pretty big fight if he went to Rodrigue.”

“Can I borrow the DBX? I let him take my car, so I need a mode of transportation.”

“Do you want breakfast first?” she asks, gesturing to the spread on the kitchen counter. The cook must’ve been working overtime.

“Where’s Dad?” 

“He is at the office with Grandpa.”

“He  _ still _ hasn’t spoken to me or made eye contact. Does he really have that big of a problem with me and Felix?”

“You know your father.”

Sylvain sighs. “Unfortunately.” She kisses his forehead and rubs his back, just like she did when he was little. It brings him a small amount of comfort, but nowhere near the level of comfort he had just  _ holding _ Felix.

Ultimately, he takes the keys from his mom and gets into the car. He does a bit more crying before putting it in drive.

About five minutes from home, he sees his own car headed in the opposite direction. It’s Felix, coming home. He honks and Felix sees him and pulls over. Sylvain does the same. He crosses the street, almost slipping in the snow. It’s fucking freezing, but it might be better for them to have this conversation away from prying ears.

“Hey,” he says breathlessly, leaning against the car next to Felix.

“Hi,” his friend replies curtly. He won’t even look at him. First Dad, now Felix. “I told my dad everything.  _ Everything. _ ”

Oh. Right down to the frottage? Sylvain googled that word. That’s what they did. That must’ve been an uncomfortable conversation with Rodrigue.

“He’s glad I had someone to hold my hand through this difficult process, but that it was kind of fucked up that you did it just to fuck with your dad.”

“ _ I’m _ kind of fucked up,” Sylvain replies with a sniffle, trying to hold back the tears that have been coming off and on since hanging up with Bernadetta.

“I know,” Felix says, taking his hand. “I left because I felt like I was just another conquest for you. Dad says I’m not. That you’d never have done for me what you did if I was just another notch on your bedpost. Because I don’t think you’re lying when you say you love me. Not just as your best friend, but as—”

“I want it to be real,” Sylvain declares, tears freely falling. “I do. I want you so bad that I don’t know what to do with myself. I know we promised not to fall in love, but I did. I think I did the moment we first kissed. How fucking cliché is it to fall in love at first kiss?”

Felix puts an arm around Sylvain’s neck and pulls him down for a kiss. “I want it to be real too.”

“So… is it?” Sylvain asks.

“I think so,” Felix replies, kissing him again. 

It’s a bit of an uncomfortable position, Felix on his tiptoes and Sylvain hunched over, but it’s them. No bullshit. No faking. Just a tall boy kissing his short king. They’ll have to figure this out because Sylvain’s posture is going to suffer. Not that he’d be complaining as long as he got Felix’s lips on his. 

As his tongue is about to enter Felix’s mouth, the ground shakes beneath them. An earthquake. Nothing catastrophic, just enough to rumble.

“You were right. I fell in love with a man and the earth exploded,” Sylvain says cheekily. Felix scoffs at him before attaching their lips once more.

—

_ We like to talk about the plans we make _

_ And things we say when we're together _

_ I hope for better weather this year _

_ But you my dear, need to know _

_ This year I want you alone _

“Did you kiss and make up?” Mom asks as they walk in hand in hand.

“We did,” Felix confirms, an adorable blush coming to his cheeks. Sylvain leans down to kiss him, just because he can.

“Did you feel that earthquake?” Grandma asks, giving her grandson a kiss on the forehead, then the same to her grandson’s boyfriend, then the same to her daughter-in-law, then the same to her other grandson. “Scary, right?”

“Scary,” Felix agrees. “Right, babe?”

“Yep. Scary,” Sylvain says, secretly delighted that Felix called him  _ babe  _ and meant it. 

“Are we too late for breakfast?” Felix asks.

“Not at all!” Mom exclaims, eager to shovel breakfast food onto Felix’s plate.

Sylvain’s stomach turns as Miklan mouths the words ‘faggot’ and ‘queer’ at him when Mom and Grandma aren’t looking. He picks at his food while Felix actually eats.

“Something bothering you, honey?” Grandma asks.

“I’m just feeling a little sick. Miklan has that effect on people.”

“Sylvain Jose Gautier,” his mother scolds, “apologize.”

“Can he apologize for mouthing ‘queer’ and ‘faggot’ at me? I don’t appreciate that. I think the only reason Felix hasn’t put a fork in your face is because you haven’t directed the vitriol toward him.”

“Babe, it’s okay,” Felix says softly, giving his hand a squeeze.

“No, it’s not! I am… I am  _ very  _ insecure in my sexual orientation right now and it’s… It’s not helpful when I’m being labeled with slurs before I’m even certain as to what my label  _ is. _ ”

“I thought you said you were bisexual,” Mom says compassionately.

“It’s… complicated. Felix is the only guy I’ve—”

“Fucked?” Miklan offers.

“No, we haven’t even…”

“Then  _ what  _ did I hear against my wall last night?”

“We were messing with you, okay? Nobody actually sounds like that during sex,” Sylvain says. “At least not in my experience. Can we  _ not  _ talk about my sex life in front of my mother and grandmother?”

“Please stop,” Grandma agrees.

“I’m just saying that Felix is the only guy I’ve ever had any sort of feelings for and I kinda fell for him fast and I fell for him hard. I figured bi might be the way to describe it, but I just don’t know.” He pushes his plate out of the way so he can put his head on the table. “Feel free to finish breakfast while I’m in crisis.”

He’s freaking out and Felix is rubbing his back and Mom and Grandma are scolding Miklan over his homophobia and his phone starts to vibrate, text after text after text until it vibrates with a phone call.

This isn’t like the cutesy little ‘congrats on coming out’ texts their friends have been sending all week long. This is Ingrid, who has been oddly silent on the whole thing.

“I have to take a phone call,” Sylvain says, kissing the side of Felix’s head as he gets up and leaves the room.

“Hey, Ing.”

“ _ ‘Hey, Ing’? That’s all you can say when you and my other best friend have been fooling around behind all of our backs?” _

“We’re not fooling around, Ing. It’s a long story that you of all people deserve to know in its entirety, but the gist is I fell in love with prickly Felix after a single kiss like I’m in some holiday Hallmark movie or something.”

_ “You love him? _ ”

“I do. A lot. Different from the way I’ve loved him my whole life.”

“ _ Sylvain, I didn’t realize you had the capacity for that kind of love. That’s not even being mean, I just didn’t think you could ever love someone like that. I think it stems from the relationship your parents have—” _

“Ing? Stop. Just accept that I fell in love at first kiss.”

“ _ Dimitri says that was Thanksgiving.” _

“That’s… it’s complicated, okay? Long story. I’ll tell you later. You might think it’s hilarious, you might hate me a little bit for a while.”

“ _ Dorothea and I will be in town to visit my parents and go to Dima’s New Year’s party. I expect that story.” _

“Yeah, Ingrid. Will do,” he replies. “Well, pending a discussion with Felix. He’ll probably be fine if you know. Just don’t tell Dorothea because she is a gossipmonger.”

“ _ Fine. Not even gonna dispute it.” _

“I’ll see you soon, Ing.”

“ _ See you soon, Sylvie. _ ”

He rolls his eyes at her nickname and hangs up his phone, slipping it back into his pocket. Once he’s no longer talking to one of his best friends, the identity crisis hits him once more.

He sits down beside the Christmas tree and sighs. It’s about to get thrown out, like he should be. What kind of monster pretends to be part of a marginalized group for a laugh? He’s like an LGBT+ Rachel Dolezal. Thing is, now he  _ is  _ some flavor of not-straight. Felix knows he’s gay, but Sylvain has no idea what he is.

This fucking blows.

—

_ Think of all the fun I've missed _

_ Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed _

Kissing Felix is a lot more fun when it’s horizontal, without the height difference, Felix beneath him, tongue slick and so talented. Sylvain could just do this for hours happily, but Felix has another idea.

“Do you have lube and a condom?” Felix asks, sending a thrill up Sylvain’s spine. He nods and falls into another kiss. Reluctant to leave and hasty at the same time, he leaves to the bathroom and his toiletry bag, returning to Felix with a bottle of lube and a strip of condoms.

“Expecting to find a woman on a trip home with your boyfriend?” Felix teases.

“I’ve always got it in my dopp kit. I’m like a Boy Scout, always prepared.”

“I don’t think Boy Scouts train you to be insatiable little sluts,” Felix says, poking the bear a bit more.

“Mhm, you love this insatiable little slut. I’m  _ your  _ insatiable little slut,” he says with a grin.

“Pants off,” Felix demands and Sylvain is more than willing to undress for his boyfriend, shoving his pants and underwear down and tugging his shirt over his head. Felix wriggles out of his own clothes, tossing them off to the side of the bed unceremoniously. Sylvain drinks in the sight of Felix naked. Sure, he’s seen it before in their twenty-plus year friendship, but never in the context of being about to bang like a screen door in a storm. He’s picturesque.

“You’ve never done this before,” Felix comments obviously. Of course he’s never been with a man. After all, he thought he was straight. “Probably easier for you to top.”

Sylvain can glean from context what that means. He’s utterly unprepared for what comes next. He stares slack-jawed, transfixed by the sight of Felix with his fingers inside himself. He’s so  _ flexible. _

“What should I do?” Sylvain asks, feeling like he’s too idle.

“Touch yourself.”

Felix is a take-charge kind of guy in general, but now Sylvain is seeing it in this context and it’s fucking  _ hot. _

It’s incredible, stroking himself and watching Felix insert another finger, opening himself up for Sylvain to be inside him. Sylvain is absolutely  _ entranced _ . He’s so hypnotized that he almost doesn’t hear Felix tell him to get a condom.

His hands shake as he tries to tear it open, so Felix takes things into his own hands by ripping the foil open with his teeth and slipping the lubricated sheath onto Sylvain’s aching cock.

“I think you know what comes next,” Felix says, looking dead into Sylvain’s eyes. Goddess, his pupils are blown wide and Sylvain can only imagine what he looks like himself.

It’s a bit of a different ballgame, entering a different hole with a dick in the way, but Sothis fucking above, it’s amazing. Felix is so  _ responsive  _ too, moaning and mewling as he slides in, meeting with a bit of resistance because he’s just so fucking  _ tight. _

“Merry fucking Christmas,” Sylvain mumbles as he bottoms out, fully inside his best friend. 

Oh _wow._ Before a few days ago, he never imagined he’d fuck a dude, never imagined he’d fuck _Felix_ , but now he’s balls deep in the person he loves most in this world and it almost makes him _cry._ He’s definitely not a crier during sex, but this is the most emotionally gratified he’s felt in bed. He hasn’t even moved yet, just lingering inside the tight heat of Felix.

And then he does move and Saint fucking Seiros, he’s never felt this sensation before and he’s never felt this love before. Felix is far from a passive partner, angling his hips and meeting Sylvain’s movements as they kiss deeply, moaning into each other’s mouths. 

Sylvain’s hips start to falter as he nears the end and he really wants to get Felix off first, his hand sneaking between them. He’s never touched another dude’s dick, so he doesn’t really know how to transfer his knowledge of touching himself. Felix seems to sense this unease and takes his hand, placing it onto his dick and, hand on his, guiding him through it. It’s not as hard as he thought.

Felix looks so beautiful as he comes, head tipped back on the pillows, back arched, moaning melodically. His come paints their hands and bellies and something about it, perhaps the novelty of it, strikes it as memorable to Sylvain. The way his muscles contract and squeeze in orgasm tips Sylvain over the edge with a groan of ecstasy, loud enough that he surprises himself.

“Felix,” he breathes, swooping in for a kiss, still inside him, hips still shuddering in aftershocks.

“Sylvain,” Felix murmurs as he pulls out. “Was that good for you?”

“I, uh, yeah. That was…” He’s used to this part, the blushing maiden, the condom disposal, telling them it was the best he’s ever had. He’s lied through his teeth every time, but this is different. “That was emotionally and physically incredible. I’ve never… I’ve never been with someone I love.”

“As it happens, neither have I. For a first timer, you were no slouch.”

“Thanks, I think?”

“I’m just teasing you,” Felix says, reaching over the side of the bed to grab the closest article of clothing he can, cleaning the come off of them both. It’s Sylvain’s shirt, but it’ll wash out. “After a no stone left unturned STD test for my insatiable slut, you’ll have to fuck me raw.” Sylvain feels a flicker of desire up his spine and his heart pounds anxiously.

“Promise?”

“Oh, yes.”

Naked spooning with Felix in this tiny bed is amazing. He’s so snuggly and warm, even warmer without layers of clothes separating them. Yeah, it’s a Faerghus winter, below freezing and snowing outside, but sharing body heat with Felix is a remedy for the cold.

“I love you,” Felix murmurs, lifting one of Sylvain’s hands to kiss his knuckles.

That’s the first time Felix has said it unprompted. Sylvain realizes Felix has never said those three words in that order at all.

“I love you too,” Sylvain replies, kissing the side of Felix’s head. “I’m sorry I let us drift apart before this. I knew you were hurting still and I was a bit cavalier about it.”

“He’s been dead for over a decade. I… I told him I was gay when I was 11. I was terrified, but he hugged me and told me he loved me no matter what. He asked me if I had a crush on any boys and told me about his gay friend and he was understanding and loving and kind. The way he always was, you know?”

“I know. He was a great brother. It made me jealous that you got a good one while I got one who pushed me off a ski lift and left me on the mountain and pushed me down a well.”

“I was really lucky with Glenn. He offered to help me come out to Dad whenever I was ready. I told him I was ready the day before he left and he promised it would happen as soon as he got back. Then he never came home.”

Sylvain’s heart hurts. “And that’s why you needed me to help you? Because you didn’t feel you could do it alone.”

“You said it so easily and he took it so well that I felt a little dumb being so afraid. I think part of me felt that it was something I was supposed to do with Glenn and that it’d disrespect his memory to do it at all.”

“You had no problem telling me.”

“I knew you’d never tell a soul if I asked you not to. Just like him.”

Felix trusts him so implicitly, doesn’t he? Sylvain trusts him too. He trusts him with his heart, first and foremost. He’s never done that before.

He kisses Felix’s bare shoulder and sighs. “I promise you I’ll keep any secrets you need me to. You can trust me.”

“I know I can, love. I know.”

—

_ Should auld acquaintance be forgot _

_ And never brought to mind? _

_ Should auld acquaintance be forgot _

_ And auld lang syne? _

“Aww,” a very drunk Dorothea says at their New Year’s kiss. That’s right, they’ve reserved their kisses to foreheads and cheeks all night long, so none of their friends have bore witness to a full-on kiss.

Ingrid just about slapped the teeth out of Sylvain’s head after the whole long story, but their other friends are in blissful ignorance, thinking they’ve been together a month longer than they actually have been.

“You’re so cute together,” Claude gushes, just as drunk as Dorothea, slinging his arms around his friends’ shoulders. Well, Felix’s shoulders. He’s not quite tall enough to reach Sylvain’s shoulders, opting to get him as high as he can. “Tell Dimitri to fuck Dedue. I am so sick of his pining. Felix, if you can settle  _ Sylvain  _ down, you can get Dimitri to get his shit together and bone our goliath friend.”

Felix laughs at Claude’s attempt to hook up his roommate, probably because he’s had a few drinks himself. Normally he’d just roll his eyes and mutter something about a boar.

“Who else do you want to set up?” Sylvain asks Claude.

“Ashe and Hapi are so cute together. They should just… fuck.”

“Are you interested in romance, or do you just want these couples to fuck?” Felix asks, a tinge of amusement in his voice.

“Romance! You two are romantic. I bet the sex is amazing though.”

“Can’t complain,” Felix admits, confirming that he is definitely drunk. Sober Felix would scoff and roll his eyes.   
  


“I mean, you’ve known each other since you were babies. There’s a picture of two-year-old Sylvain almost dropping baby Felix the day you were born. If you told me that those two would be dating two decades and some change later, I’d have laughed at you. And I only saw that picture last year!”

Sylvain thinks offhandedly that his mom is going to put that in the engagement party slideshow, then he realizes what he just thought. Does he think he’s going to marry Felix one day? He looks at his drunk little boyfriend talking to their drunk little friend and his heart swells with joy. 

He’s going to marry Felix Fraldarius someday.

—

_ I see your smilin' face _

_ Like I never seen before _

_ Even though I love you madly _

_ It seems I love you more _

Sylvain is a ball of pure anxiety, sitting in front of the tree with his family and Rodrigue and Felix.

Felix. Sweet, sweet Felix. His boyfriend of one long, happy year. He’s asking him to marry him in a matter of moments

Ingrid helped him pick out a ring, one that Felix would actually wear. Something practical, so he could wear it at work and the gym. Something that would match his eyes and his undertone. She was so much more prepared than Sylvain was and it turned out Dorothea had built a profile for this eventuality. It was less like Ingrid was there as a friend, but more as a mouthpiece for the more fashionable Dorothea.  _ They  _ had gotten engaged at Bernie and Sylvain’s Halloween party after four years together. Sylvain was afraid he was rushing things, but Ingrid assured him in her best Mom voice “when you know, you know.” And Sylvain has known for a long time.

Rodrigue knows what’s coming. Sylvain didn’t ask him if he could marry Felix, like it was some antiquated ritual to ask for a bride’s hand. No, he asked if it was totally crazy to do it in front of his parents and Miklan. Rodrigue welcomed him to the family and told him that his family would just have to deal with it, just like they dealt with the failed senatorial campaign and Miklan’s very public incarceration in the spring.

“Before we start opening gifts, I have a really important one.”

Felix looks confused until Sylvain’s knee hits the floor and he produces the ring box from his pocket.

“Felix Hugo Fraldarius, would you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”

Felix looks like he’s going to cry, but nods. “Yes, you idiot. Did you even have to ask?”

“Societal norms say yes. I can’t just spring a surprise wedding on you, can I?”

“I’ll tell Claude to cancel the balloon arch,” Felix says sarcastically before they share a kiss, Sylvain sliding the ring onto Felix’s finger.

This is the very merriest Christmas of Sylvain’s life, the first of many to come.


End file.
